The Halftime Report

Two Saturdays ago was spent on the couch, registering online for baby items while watching college football. It made for a lazy yet productive afternoon. But it also inspired this post, especially with all the bowl games coming up. For those of you not familiar with my background, I come from a pretty big football family. My dad coached and my brothers played in high school and college. Two of my brothers also went on to coach high school football as well. Football has always been taken very seriously in my family. In fact, a good part of my life revolved around it. I think it was around the age six that I would beg my brothers to let me toss the ball around with them in the backyard of our Missouri home. Forget being the cheerleader. Oh, no. I wanted to play. They pretended to let me at least once. My oldest brother, Scott, even crafted a makeshift jersey and pads for me to wear and instead of cleats I sported a pair of flip flops. Of course they didn't really let me play, which in hindsight was probably for the best since I believe one of them ended up with a broken collar bone after a 'practice scrimmage'. Fast forward six years and every Friday night was spent watching my big brothers play quarterback for their high school football team. And every Saturday morning I woke up early to travel over two hours with my parents to watch their college games. All day Sunday the family television was reserved for NFL games. And Monday nights? You guessed it.

"Are you ready for some football?!"
Barf.

 

Unfortunately, my birthday happens to fall during football season (January, 5th). And even more unfortunate, my sixteenth birthday happened to fall on a Monday night. So you can guess how my sweet sixteen was spent. I could go on lamenting but I digress. All of this football overload kind of turned me off of the game. I still enjoy watching if there's a team on I'm rooting for and can sometimes even be heard yelling loudly at the TV (like during the Mizzou/Auburn title game) but I usually don't seek it out. That being said, coming from a football family has also led me to develop more of an athletic mindset about things. I can be competitive and fierce when it comes to pushing the limits and give all my focus on getting to the goal. And with that I give you, The Halftime Report.

I'm 23+ weeks along now so I'm a little over halfway there. For those of you not familiar with pregnancy in weeks, which I wasn't until I got knocked up, 40 weeks is the goal. Sometimes a little less, sometimes a little more, but 40 is about the average. Now obviously there are some key differences between football and pregnancy. First of all, football is a team sport. Okay, okay. Pregnancy can also be considered a team sport since I needed another player in order to play the game, so to speak. But other than the initial 'hand off' and some helpful blocking moves from my husband it's pretty much a one woman game. I've got my coach = the OB, my cheerleaders = my family,  and the fans = my supportive friends. Other than that I am the receiver, the carrier and the rest of the offensive line.

Secondly, football has 4 quarters while pregnancy only has three trimesters. Only? Hah! Try 9+ months of three, very long and very tiring trimesters. And there is no break at halftime. Instead you may take a moment to be thankful that you've reached the halfway point before you pop a prenatal vitamin, slather on some stretch mark cream and go about your merry way.

Now, there are some similarities. I've got my good plays and some pretty rough ones. Sometimes I'll try to take the option only to get creamed in the end. Here are some updates on how I've been faring.

Skin: The pregnancy glow must have skipped right past me. Personally, I think it's a myth. Instead I get to deal with dry skin and breakouts, neither of which is fun. Additionally, I have blood vessels popping up over the place. Tiny red dots all over my arms, shoulders, palms and even my chest.

 

So far the stretch marks have been keeping at bay but talk to me after the holidays and we'll see where I'm at.

Sleep: It's pretty much become a thing of the past.

There will be evenings that I can easily fall asleep on the couch at 10pm. It's the middle of the night I have problems with. I'll wake up around 3 or 4 am and toss and turn until morning. I'm trying my best to sleep on my left side for optimum blood flow to the baby but find side sleeping incredibly uncomfortable lately. I've got all this extra belly weighing me down. So I finally broke down and purchased this sucker.

My new bed companion!

 

It may take up half of the bed but at least it's comfortable to spoon with. And it helps to keep me on my side. But still, I find sleeping in near impossible. That used to be the whole point of weekends, right? Perhaps it's because I'm no longer fueled by wine from the night before to help keep me snoozing but I seem to be waking up earlier and earlier. My body is probably just trying to get me ready for motherhood and getting up in time for those early Saturday morning cartoons.

 

Aches and Pains: Life is starting to get a little more uncomfortable. Headaches are becoming more common when they used to only visit me after a night of a little too much fun. And they are so much more intense now instead of just a dull ache.

 

And my body is doing its best to adjust to my growing belly but it ain't always easy. For starters, I need a new tailbone. I sit a lot during the day with my job and each time I stand up it hurts like a mofo. You see, the tailbone sits right behind the uterus and as Baby Karpen gets bigger her bones press against my bones. And if you have previously injured your tailbone before (ahem, there may have been an incident involving roller skates and James Blunt a few years back) you are more prone to feel the discomforts of this.

 

Another fun thing I've been enjoying? Round ligament pain. There are several thick ligaments that surround and support a woman's uterus and when that uterus is growing to the size of watermelon proportions those ligaments have to stretch. The result is sharp, jabbing pain all over your lower belly. At least I also get baby girl's cute little kicks to help keep me distracted from it.

 

Leg cramps are also a new occurrence in my life. Just last night I was rudely woken by a god awful charley horse in my right calf. After some research I found that leg cramps are supposedly another common complaint of pregnancy. And like most other discomforts, one you really can't do jack about.

 

Body issues: Even with all the discomforts there are still times that I forget that I'm pregnant. But then I'll pass a mirror and be like "What the hell is that?!" My bump is definitely getting bigger. In fact, I keep forgetting that it's there until I look down. I was drying my hair the other day and when I went to put the blow dryer away I burned my belly with it. In my defense, I wasn't expecting it to be in the way. I'm going to need to learn to be careful with this thing. But I'm trying to do my best to embrace the bump and the additional weight that comes with it. The last time I stepped on the scale the number was already the highest I have ever seen it. The scale and I are now on a break. I left it to gather dust in the corner of the bathroom floor.

 

The social scene: 'Tis the season for gift exchanges, ugly sweaters and any other holiday party you can imagine. And holy crap! Lots of moms and dads were getting busy in the month of March because so many of you are December babies. I've lost count of all the birthday party invites I've received. Thankfully, my friends don't seem to think I'm just some lame pregnant chick and are still inviting me to soirees. But then again, I get to sip on club soda while the rest of you get to sip on the sweet nectar of the gods.

 

 

 

 

I really miss my wine. Especially in social situations. Small talk is awkward enough but you realize how much of a wallflower you really are when you have to do it sober. And I can only deal with drunk people so many days of the week. Unless I'm drunk with them of course. But there are some fun observations to be made. Speaking of, it's interesting how men are congratulated on the news of a pregnancy. When people talk to me it's all "Congratulations! You must be so excited!" When they talk to Nik it's "Congratulations! Job well done! Good going!" Um, job well done? Good going?? The man had an orgasm, people. I'm pretty sure I'm the one left with most of the heavy lifting for now. Well, he does have to put up with my hormonal ass. But at least he gets do it with alcohol.

 

This is probably true.

 

 

Another difficulty is finding appropriate party attire. I'll go through my closet a dozen times, finally find something cute to wear, only to discover that it no longer fits right when I need it to. I'm learning to put my focus on accessories these days instead.

 

So what's my defensive strategy in all this? Well, my options are pretty limited. I can only take Tylenol for the headaches. Tylenol is a pretty wussy drug though so when my temples are throbbing I usually just try to tough it out. This involves the couch, a pillow and praying for sweet mercy. And I've been trying to be good about what I put into my body. I limit my caffeine to about 50mg a day. For the pregnancy police out there the max I can have is 200mg of caffeine so I'm way within my limits. I've also been making myself drink a butt load of water everyday. And I've been trying to watch what I eat for the most part. But I mean, it is the holiday season. So if those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups happen to find their way to me, so be it. Even if that sometimes means I have to make a pit stop at the local Target to pick some up.

 

As far as the other aches and pains go I've been doing my best to keep up with my work outs and fight my battles against mother nature and those aforementioned peanut butter cups. I try to exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week which is what I did pre-pregnancy as well. I just don't go as hard. And I still spin which I'm sure doesn't help with the tailbone situation but whatever. I love it and it's my one workout a week that I allow myself to really get into. Besides, one of my favorite spinning instructors is Marla Sokoloff. You may remember her as Gia from Full House. She's also been in some other stuff since then but to me she will always be the bad ass, cigarette smoking, frenemy of Stephanie Tanner.

 

 

 

Gia!

But she's also a really great spin instructor and keeps me motivated to get my pregnant butt out of bed on Sunday mornings. She also has a daughter and I'm hoping to look as great as she does post pregnancy. I've also been keeping up with prenatal yoga and the gym as well. Funny, I've ready a couple of pregnancy books so far and the author of one was very anti exercise. To each their own though. I think it's helpful with all the stretching my body is doing and like to look at it as if I'm training for a marathon. Child birth is no joke and I'm going to need every ounce of strength and stamina to get me through it. Same can be said about motherhood too, I'm sure.

 

 

And with that I'll conclude the halftime report. I'm sure this second half will be just, if not more, interesting. And to end in the spirit of the game, I leave you with this fun little visual I found online.

Happy Bowl Games to all!!