Scarlett's Birth Story

Soooo, I've been meaning to post this for a while now but what with dealing with a newborn I've been preoccupied with dirty diapers, feedings and cries for attention. First of all, I would like to thank everyone who have told me how much they've enjoyed my blog while I was pregnant. It's been great having an outlet to voice my observations, frustrations, complaints and happiness throughout. And the fact that people actually enjoy reading about them is just icing on the cake. So, thank you. I'm going to try my best to keep this blog up but now that I'm a mommy (see aforementioned dirty diapers, etc.) we'll see how that goes.  But I at least wanted to update you on how the best/most challenging day of my life went. And with that, I give you Scarlett's birth story.

For personal reasons that I won't get into, my goal had always been to have as natural a birth as possible. I had read that a lot of first time moms go past their due date and have to be induced which is something I wanted to try and avoid. But when you're approaching your 40th week of pregnancy and are in constant discomfort your temperament can get a bit testy.

Around 38 weeks I started researching ways to naturally induce labor.  Spicy foods? That just gave me heart burn. Walking? I walked about 3 miles a day to try and shake her loose. Sex? Um, no comment. But I had also read that some women swore by evening primrose oil. Apparently the herb can help thin the cervix so I figured I would give it a shot. I took two capsules on April 9th and three capsules before I went to bed on April 10th. Three hours later (on my due date!), my water broke.

It was around 2:45am on April 11th and I had just gotten back in bed after a middle of the night bathroom trip. I hadn't even fallen back to sleep when all of a sudden I felt this warm trickle that turned into a steady stream. I kind of laid there for a second thinking, "Oh shit, that was totally my water breaking." Nik was still up so I immediately found him in the living room and announced, "Um, I think my water just broke". We both inspected and concurred that it most definitely wasn't pee. Hey. you just never know when you've got something the size of a watermelon pressing down on your bladder. Also, here's the thing about your water breaking. It doesn't just gush or trickle out once and then it's over. Oh, no. It will keep trickling until you push that baby out. Talk about gross and uncomfortable. And that's just the beginning.

So at that point everything was a little surreal. Unlike what Hollywood has taught you, when your water breaks it doesn't mean you have to rush to the hospital. It could be hours before contractions begin. Since I wasn't really feeling anything yet I took a shower and got ready while Nik double checked the hospital bag I had prepared weeks in advance and started loading up the car. I did some pacing around the house and bounced on my exercise ball for a bit. Around 5am I thought I started feeling a little something. Since this is Los Angeles where traffic is the WORST THING EVER we decided to go ahead and head to the hospital in order to beat the morning commuters. I probably could have labored at home a while longer but I didn't want to tempt fate and have to give birth on the side of the 405.

Typical LA traffic.
NOT an appropriate birthing place

We checked into the hospital around 6am and they took me to the triage area to make sure I was really in labor. You know, just in case that fluid coming out of me was something other than amniotic. It didn't take them long to figure out that it was. I still wasn't sure if I was feeling contractions or not so they hooked me up to a monitor and they were already 3 minutes apart. Oh, don't you worry. I definitely felt them later on.

After confirming my active labor status we moved into the labor and delivery room. There was a reason I chose Cedars-Sinai to give birth in. This was one of them.

Posh private labor and delivery room

Room with a view

You can't see it in the picture but we had a view of the Hollywood sign. You know you're in Beverly Hills when you get to push a baby out overlooking one of the world's most famous landmarks.

After becoming sidetracked with our posh digs we spoke to the nurses and I let them know I was hoping to labor naturally for now. Since I was low risk they just slapped a portable heart rate monitor and hep-lock IV on me and let me do my thing. That consisted of walking the halls of the hospital and bouncing on a yoga ball for several hours to try and get my labor to progress. At some point in the afternoon things started to become more uncomfortable and I wanted to know how much more real shit was going to get or if I could hold off on that increasingly enticing epidural.

A midwife came in and explained to me that since my water had broken on its own there was a risk of infection each time they checked my cervix to see how far dilated I was so they would rather hold off. They asked if I wanted an epidural but I decided to keep on trucking through it. I was afraid that an epidural might slow down my labor which would mean they would have to use medication to speed it up. So if I were to get an epidural I wanted to try to progress on my own as much as possible.

Unfortunately, my natural pain relief options were running out. I had always planned to soak in a hot tub during labor but that option was also out since my water had already broken. Again, it would have been another risk of infection. So the midwife suggested I try a hot shower instead to see if that helped. The nurses got clearance to remove the heart rate monitor with the exception that they would come back once an hour to check the fetal heart rate with a hand held device. And for the next three hours I stood in the shower and let the warm water run over me.

Around 4pm the contractions became unbearable and my stamina was wearing thin since I had been laboring over 13 hours on only 3 hours of sleep. So I decided it was time to get out of the shower and get a needle into my back instead.

At this point in time we still didn't know how far along I was but everyone, including my amazing nurses, were hoping that my efforts hadn't been in vain. Around 5:30pm my OB came in and checked me for the first time. Fist pumps went all around when I was I told that I was at a 6 1/2. I was dilating at about a centimeter an hour  and my body was doing all of the contracting on its own so I didn't need pitocin or any other medication to help speed things along. My doctor estimated that the baby would arrive by midnight. My doctor was wrong.

I was hoping to get some sleep after receiving the epidural. I think I may have dozed off here and there but nothing solid. Perhaps it was the excitement of being in labor or the sounds of the heart rate monitor that kept me awake. Either way, I couldn't turn my mind off enough to get any good rest. That was a tragic mistake. I'm not sure what time it was, sometime before midnight, but all of a sudden I started feeling immense pain on the right side of my body near my hip. I had been dealing with hip pain the last month of my pregnancy but this was worse. Thankfully when you get an epidural they also give you a little button you can press to boost it up. I pressed it twice in three hours to help alleviate the hip/nerve pain. Unfortunately, my epidural fun was about over

My nurse had been in periodically to check on me, ask me if I needed anything and whether I was feeling the pressure to push or not. Each time my answer was no. I could sense that she was growing concerned about the lack of pressure sensation so around 2am on April 12th she received clearance to check me again and I was dilated to a 9. That was the good news. Then they hit me with the not so good news. Since I wasn't feeling the urge to push they were going to cut my epidural in half.

And that's when shit got real . . .

Oh, I could finally feel the pressure all right. Along with EVERYTHING else. When they cut my epidural in half that right hip pain I was telling you about, it came back in full force. I'm not sure if it was the baby pressing on a nerve as she made her way through the birth canal but it was absolutely excruciating. Even worse than the contractions because there was no interval. It was just constant, intense pain that I could do nothing about. This went on for hours. The nurses felt so bad for me. They tried propping my leg up in order to elevate my right hip and put hot compresses on it but nothing seemed to help. Except when it came time to push. Even then, I'm not sure if the hip pain miraculously went away or if a new set of pain just took its place.

I know of women who get an epidural and are able to push a baby out without feeling a thing. Lucky bitches. When it came time to push I was so exhausted from dealing with everything else for the past 26 hours that I didn't have much left to fight with. This was around the time I started thinking that maybe just scheduling a c-section wasn't that bad of an idea. All the while my nurse was assuring me that things will go much quicker with my second baby. I wanted to choke the bitch. Kidding. But seriously, how about let's just get this one out before we even discuss the possibility of a second one.

They had me do some practice pushes while we waited for my OB to get there. I feel like with all of my preparation and research on child birth no one had prepared me for the pushing part. It sucks. Basically, you feel this intense pressure to push and the only thing that will alleviate that pressure is actually pushing. And the closer the baby gets to coming out the more uncomfortable it gets because of the obvious. So when they had me stop after a few practice pushes so we could wait for my doctor to arrive I started getting pretty impatient. Also, it's not just one long push. They had me push in three 10 counts. Take a deep breath, push for 10 seconds, take another deep breath, push for 10, take one more deep breath and push for another 10. The first 10 count was the easiest but getting through the other two took some work. So they put an oxygen mask on to help me out.

I'm not even sure what Nik was doing at this point. Trying to be supportive I'm sure. Giving me sips of water when I needed them. Making sure the puke bucket was nearby in case it also became necessary. Thankfully, it did not. Suddenly, my room got very busy. Since my water had broken over 24 hours ago they had several doctors in the room in case there was an issue with the baby. My OB had finally arrived and was putting on the gloves to get ready for business. Using the motivation to get this labor over with and finally meet my daughter I pushed. For about an hour they told me. At one point during the pushing I looked down and could see her head. After a bunch of 10 count pushes they had me do a series of 5 counts and then a few 1 counts. And at 6:05am I heard crying and out plopped the love of my life, all 8 pounds and almost 22 inches of her - Scarlett Elizabeth Karpen.

The nurses immediately placed her on my chest as she started wailing and I just remember saying hello to my sweet baby girl. All of that pain and discomfort I had been feeling was instantly gone. We spent I don't know how long just staring at each other. And have been ever since.

Several people have asked how we came up with her name. I have always been an avid reader so her name is inspired by two of my favorite literary heroines. Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind and Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice. They are both strong and spirited female characters and so is our own little Scarlett. Sweet Jesus, the girl started crying before she was even all the way out. I can't wait to discover the person that she becomes. But in the meantime, I am happy to let her sweet baby snuggles fill my days.

Growing Pains

So, good news guys. My bra size went up! But then again,so has my waist line. I'm still trying to come to terms with that. I know, I know. That's good news too. And for a good reason. A healthy baby bump means a healthy baby. But still, it's a weird thing to see yourself getting bigger in the mirror on a daily basis and not being able to do anything about it. Especially when you live in Los Angeles, the land of living, breathing, perfect Barbie dolls. And apparently the Victoria's Secret fashion show was taped last week which means all of these lovely images have been splashed across my computer screen every time I go online:

 

 

Bitches.

 

I'm kidding. I'm sure they're very lovely ladies who work hard for their ridiculous bodies. And I can't hate on Lily Aldridge too much since she's a mother herself. But still, it's almost winter. Put some clothes on so I don't have to look at that shit.

 

All kidding aside, my bump is still pretty small comparatively speaking. Or so I'm told.

19 + weeks

When I tell people how far along I am (5 months this Friday!) they're pretty shocked. Here are some of the fun responses I get:

 

"Oh my God! You're so tiny!" - Thanks?

"5 months?! You don't even look pregnant!" - Again, thanks?

"Are you sure there's a baby in there?!" - Um, thanks for making me worry about my child now.

"Are you sure you're pregnant?" - As if I would ever give up alcohol voluntarily.

 

At least I can tell I'm getting bigger. Usually when I gain weight it starts in my thighs. So far everything appears to be in my mid section and up top. According to my mother she didn't start showing until she was 4 or 5 months along with my two older sisters so I'm not concerned. Also, I have big hips which apparently only works to my advantage when pregnant. There's plenty of room in there for my mango sized baby to hide.

 

Speaking of, I am officially the proud owner of maternity jeans! I can still squeeze into my regular jeans but why be uncomfortable when you can live in the luxury of elastic waist bands? I had my first maternity clothes shopping experience over the weekend. The mall close to me has a store called Destination Maternity. You should definitely check them out if you're like me and don't want to give up your sense of fashion along with your caffeine, wine and soft cheeses during pregnancy. I have to admit, I was a bit overwhelmed first walking into a maternity store. I mean, what sizes should I be looking for?  What am I going to need to get me to April and what can I do without? Why does everything look so ugly on the hangers? I was soon approached by a very friendly staff member and with her help I left the store excited about wearing clothes again. I did splurge on one pair of extremely comfortable jeans that I'm actually rocking right now. I could live in the jeans, they are that comfortable. In fact, I'm thinking about starting a petition making maternity wear acceptable attire permanently. Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

 

Besides my waist line, there's another big change in my life. We moved! Yes, I know. Work a full time job, act and produce in a successful Hollywood show and then move. The past several months have been pretty crazy. We actually were not expecting to move so quickly. Nik and I had been talking about getting a bigger place with the little one on the way and started looking online to see what was out there. The average cost of a house in Los Angeles is about $400,000 so renting is our best option for now until we have a sizeable down payment saved up. We found a fairly inexpensive three bedroom condo for rent online, toured it and figured what the hell. The show I was in closed on November 3rd and the following weekend we moved. Well, I say "we" lightly. There are many dos and don'ts in the world of pregnancy. Do eat lots of fruits and vegetables, don't lift heavy objects. Do take a prenatal vitamin, don't expose yourself to paint fumes. So I helped pack, Nik lifted the heavy boxes. I picked out paint colors, Nik painted. Sure, in a way it's kind of cool. Finally! A freaking perk to this pregnancy business. Then again, I don't like having to ask people to do things for me. Thanks to Mom and Dad Gerling I consider myself a pretty independent person. Something I hope to pass on to this little nugget. So I look at a heavy box, think I can totally move it. Then think damnit, I better not. Better wait for Nik to do it for me. It's really frustrating. For Nik too I'm sure. It's "Honey, can you do this? Honey, can you do that?" Except I tend to forget the word honey and question part of the sentence. But he's been really helpful when I'm sure all he'd rather do is crack open a cold one. Which he still does, usually after I go to bed.

 

But moving sucks. Moving while pregnant REALLY sucks. We did hire movers though this time around since I wasn't going to be of much help. But there's still a lot of stress involved and no wine to help me relax. Especially when issues keep popping up like lack of storage space and how to fit the washer/dryer in the dedicated space that is too small for a washer/dryer. Or the dishwasher that is not securely installed. And the bugs. Oh, the bugs. We've fumigated, I carry Raid around with me like it's my new best friend and I thoroughly go through the place on high bug alert each day to kill as many as I can find. But somehow they keep coming. I don't know if it's a sealing issue with the doors and windows or if they're trickling in from another unit but I'm taking personal offense to it now. So much so I had a little breakdown about it the other day. I'm pregnant. It happens.

I know it could be worse. But still, disappointing. It'll get there eventually. At least that's what I try to tell my hormones. And when it does I may even post some pictures.

 

One last thing, we have a BIG doctor's appointment coming up on Friday! And with any luck we'll be able to tell what color to paint the nursery. I'm a little anxious about the whole thing. I get anxious before every doctor's appointment anyway but especially this one. I don't know if I'm ready to know yet. These past several months have just flown by. Right now the baby's room is a big pile of boxes and miscellaneous crap that still needs to be unpacked. Knowing that I will have to set it up for a tiny little boy or girl is just mind boggling. I know it sounds cliché but I don't really have a preference on the gender just as long as it's healthy and happy. And I no longer have a feeling on what it will be. When I first found out I was pregnant I thought for sure it would be a boy. Then sometimes I think maybe it's a girl. Now I'm just confused and tired of guessing. What do you think??

 

 

The Second Leg

And just like that, I'm on to the second trimester . . .

Which has been pretty awesome so far. Not much in the way of symptoms. No more queasiness, no more super sensitive nose, no more wanting to punch people in the throat. Well, not much of that last one anyway. But also a little worrisome. Since most of my symptoms have disappeared, I'm not really showing and I can't feel the baby move yet I'm always afraid that something's wrong. Fear has definitely been a common theme throughout but I plan to dedicate an entire post on that subject later.

So here's me at 12 weeks . . . not much change.

Go Cards!

 

 

 

 

And here I am at 16 weeks, looking a little rounder.

Bump or lunch?

 

 

 

I had my 16 week doctor's appointment last week and everything went well. Although I will never understand why they take your blood pressure directly after having you step on the scale. Looks like I gained a couple pounds since my last appointment. I blamed it on my morning bagel. But then I got to hear the baby's heart beat. A strong 150 beats per minute. Pretty much the most amazing sound EVER.

 

But since I still have three performances left of the show I'm in (which you can read about here) I've been trying not to indulge all of my cravings. Which is extra difficult to do around Halloween when chocolate and candy is plentiful and always within my hand's reach.

 

But I did sign up for a spinning/prenatal yoga series. With my job and the show my workout regimen has suffered so I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I took a spin class last Friday for the first time in two months. The doc told me to keep my heart rate below 150 when exercising which is slightly annoying. I like to work out hard and pacing myself is no fun. But neither is abstaining from alcohol, so yeah. Everything I have read recommends indoor cycling as a great workout for pregnant mommas. Whoever said that must have forgotten about a little thing called your bladder. During a spin class you do these things called jumps where you're in your saddle (aka seat) for an 8 count, stand for an 8 count, sit for an 8 count, and so on. So each time you stand your baby (now apparently the size of an avocado) gets pressed against your bladder. Awesome sauce. I love my spin instructor though. He's a great motivator. I wonder if he hires out as a birth coach. I may need someone telling me how awesome and strong I am and to really push myself hard.

 

 

I also took my first prenatal yoga class last week as well. Now, I've done some yoga in the past year. Regular yoga, hot yoga, yoga with weights. Prenatal yoga is essentially a bunch of pregnant women rolling around on the floor. I didn't even break a sweat. I also felt like a poser. All the other women in the room had big, beautiful, round baby bumps. They probably thought I was lying when I told them I was 4 months along. But whatever. Besides, I made a deal with my kid a while back. If the little nugget could stay little until my show was over then we'll hit up In 'n Out when it's over. Chocolate milk shake and everything - my treat.

 

 

Get in my belly!

 

 I really shouldn't knock prenatal yoga though. I'm sure the bigger I get the more difficult it will become. And I definitely had some sore hamstrings the following day from all those lovely crescent poses which is great news for my legs. I'm hoping to stay pregnant in my belly and not in my thighs.  Also, I've already started feeling the pangs of my ribcage starting to expand which is no fun at all. I was wondering how I was going to fit a (please lord, no more than) 7 pound baby in my short torso as it is. Now I know. The yoga should help ease all the stretching ligaments and shit. And the moving around of organs. Here's a visual of a non-pregnant woman vs. a pregnant woman.

 

 

What the hell?! Everything gets shifted and flattened out. That doesn't look comfortable at all.

 

But I can't complain too much. So far it's been a pretty easy pregnancy and it's been going by pretty fast. I'm 40% done! With work and the show that I've been producing/acting in I've had a lot of distractions. Oh, and we're moving too. I'll let you know how that goes. And in three weeks Nik and I get to find out if we're having a son or daughter. Son or daughter. Woah!

Mind = Blown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 







 

It's Showtime!

As some of you may know, I have a little theatre company that I've been involved with for the past five years. And for the past 7 weeks I've been working to produce our next show that happens to be opening this Friday, October 18th.

I'll take this moment now to do a little plugging as any good producer would do. It's a hilarious farce, full of mistaken identity and ridiculous situations that will have the audience laughing out loud in their seats. Get your tickets here!

 

Oh, and did I mention that I'm also performing in it? Well, I am. So for the past 7 weeks my schedule has looked a little like this:

6:30am - Alarm goes off
8:30am - Arrive to work after spending an hour and a half in traffic. LA really sucks sometimes
7:20pm - Finish work day and head to rehearsal
10:40pm - 11pm - Finish rehearsal and head home
11:30pm - 12am - Home

In my pre-pregger days this schedule wouldn't have been a problem. I probably would have even stayed up much too late unwinding with a glass of wine or two before doing it all again. But during pregnancy, it's hell. Especially without the wine to calm me the f*** down.

Pregnancy is exhausting business people. And when everything annoys the shit out of you anyway and your beloved wine is off limits, things can get a little turbulent. Not that I'm complaining - just trying to get through it. Nik's been doing his best to get through it as well, poor guy. I will seriously come home after a long day and walk straight to the bedroom without even a word hello. And on evenings when there is no rehearsal he's lucky if I'm able to keep my eyes open past 10pm. The other week I made him watch 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' with me. I fell asleep about half way through and he didn't even turn it off. Proof of how awesome he's been. Of course now he's going to kill me because I just let it slip that he watched "What To Expect When You're Expecting' while his pregnant wife lay snoozing on the couch. But seriously, he's been great. Knowing when to cower in the man cave and let me have my space. And knowing when I need a hug even after making him cower in the man cave.




Poor Nik

Anyway, so yeah. I'm in a play. Nik asked if I was sure I wanted to do it with everything else going on. I figured it could very well be the last time I get to act for a long time so hell yeah, I wanted to do it. However, now that opening night is almost here I am beginning to rethink my decision. Oh, not because of the stress or exhaustion or any of that. But because on opening night I'll be exactly 15 weeks along. And the show opens with me wearing something resembling this . . .

At least I'm fully covered. In the second act I get to strip down on stage and wear something like this . . .

Good thing my boobs look fabulous now. Pregnancy 'perk'! (Pun intended) The mid section? Meh, not so much. I know, I know. Here I was all gloating in your face with my previous blog about those Doritos and cheddar cheese binges. Well, I think I'm beginning to see the effects now. In fact, I'm not sure if I'm seeing the first signs of a bump or if that's just my lunch. Sexy, huh?

Anyway, the show runs for three weeks so I'll be pushing 18 weeks on closing night. So even if live theatre isn't your thing you should still come and play 'See If  You Can Spot The Baby Bump'. Besides, you knows when you'll get the chance to see me perform next. Except for in April of course when I take on the role of Mother. Which let's face it, will probably be funnier than the character I'm playing now.

 

 

P.S. If you are one of my many friends or relatives that live too far away to see my bump on stage but would still like to support my theatre company, you are welcome to make a donation here. All proceeds go toward helping making the show the biggest success it can be!

Keeping It Under Wraps

In a way, I feel kind of bad. For two months I had to lie to some of my closest friends. Well, not lie exactly. Just omit the truth. A BIG truth. I actually found out pretty early on in my pregnancy that I was expecting. Sometimes I call it a blessing, in the sense that I didn't enjoy too many glasses (okay, okay - bottles) of wine and unknowingly endanger my child. And sometimes, a curse. There is so much that can go wrong between a positive pregnancy test and the first doctor's appointment. Horrible, awful things that no expectant mother or father should have to go through. More on that later.

 

So that was my initial reason for wanting to keep the news secret. If I had it my way, Nik and I would have been the only two people who knew the truth for the first 8 weeks. Realistically, there's no way that could happen. Not because I have issues keeping my mouth shut. But because it's pretty well known that my mouth is usually preoccupied enjoying tasty, adult beverages which unfortunately is one of the many no-nos when expecting.  

 

The following weekend after learning I was pregnant I had plans to meet my brother and his fiancé in Vegas. Have you ever done Vegas sober? Or how about 5 weeks pregnant? Well, I wouldn't recommend either. I met them at the Las Vegas airport Thursday afternoon. It was their first time visiting Sin City and they were so excited. I didn't want to disappoint. At this point they were unaware that anything was out of the ordinary. Nik was going to drive up the next day and meet us there so I was going to try my best and wait for him before spilling the beans. There was no way I could pretend to drink my way through an entire weekend in Vegas, especially around my family. Let's just say we like to have a good time. But I did get through almost 24 hours which I am pretty proud of. My brother would order me a glass of wine that I would happen to take into the restroom with me and come out with most of it gone. He ordered me a strawberry daiquiri while poolside the following afternoon. I exchanged it for a virgin while they thought I was making a phone call. Wasting perfectly good alcohol felt like committing sacrilege . But I do plan to atone for those sins come April.

 

A motherhood necessity

 

Eventually we were able to share the good news and they were ecstatic to learn that there would be an additional guest at their wedding in June. And I toughed it out the best I could the rest of the weekend, staying out until 2am or later as I sipped on my club soda with lime. Wild, I know.

The following weekend, I had a bachelorette party to attend. In FREAKING WINE COUNTRY!! I mean come on, that's like putting crack in front of a crack head. So the evening before we left town I told my bestie, Megan, my big secret. She was the bride's maid of honor and became my partner in crime for the weekend. I would eat for two while she would drink for two. We 'shared' our tastings at each winery we stopped at and our wine glasses were strategically placed next to each other during dinner. That way she could easily pick up mine to drink from as well as hers. But I think we were able to successfully get through the weekend without anyone being the wiser.

And more recently, Nik and I attended our friends' wedding in Jersey City. We spent much of our time there wandering about the streets of New York which was pretty exhausting for a 10 week pregnant chick. But well worth it. Nik became an expert at ordering non alcoholic drinks to look like alcoholic drinks. And Nik really became an expert at drinking any wine or champagne that came my way. He's obviously been having way more fun than me the past 3 months.

But honestly, as exhausting as it is growing a human it's also pretty exhausting keeping a secret about said growing human. Especially with all those damned trips lined up. There were times when Nik would voice his frustrations about how difficult it was for him not being able to tell anyone. That's usually when I would voice my frustrations about how difficult it was for me not being able to punch him in the throat. Kidding! But I get it.

So yeah, I had to forego my fun from Vegas, wine country and those plentiful rooftop bars that New York has to offer. I'm sure it will be well worth it in April. But that doesn't mean I can't longingly look at that glass of wine in your hand and hate you just a little bit for drinking it. And now that the secret's out you at least know why I'm looking at that glass of wine like I want to do dirty things to it.

 

We've Gone and Done It Now

Soooo, this happened . . .

And this . . .

And, this.

 

 

I won't embarrass myself by telling you the actual number of pregnancy tests I took (I lost count anyway) but each time my expression probably resembled something like this.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I was super excited. But at first, I was speechless. Especially since I've spent the majority of my adulthood hoping I'd never even have to buy a pregnancy test. There was a whole gamut of emotions coursing through me. "Holy crap, I'm pregnant! Holy crap, there's a life growing inside me. Holy crap, what about that wine I enjoyed over the weekend?!" But after the initial shock wore off, there were lots of tears of joy and excitement. And have been ever since.

 

I'm not really sure how this blog is going to take shape or if I'll even be able to keep it up. But I thought it might be nice to have some sort of outlet for all this crazy pregnant business. Especially since I only have a couple of friends in Los Angeles that have gone through it before. But I figured this blog could also be entertaining for those of you who actually want to hear all the nitty, gritty pregger details. And for those of you who could care less, just ignore.

 

And on that note, here's a rundown of the first trimester to get you up to speed.

 

*Nose. Apparently my sense of smell is now approaching levels of superhuman strength. And to put this bluntly, you people stink. Seriously. Your food, your deodorant, your perfume or cologne. You're all so smelly. In fact, this entire world stinks. Cigarette smoke, car exhaust, gasoline, candles. Enough already.

 

*Morning Sickness. Okay, I need to preface this by saying that I have gotten off pretty easy in the morning sickness department. In fact, I don't even call it that. Queasy is my term. I never went running to the porcelain gods or felt so nauseous I couldn't function. But every once in a while I would start to feel a little queasy. Like I was in the back seat of a car that was making its way through a long, windy road. It could be something I ate or something I smelled with my superhuman nose but whatever it was my stomach didn't like it. So whenever this happened I found that carbs usually helped.

 

* Appetite. Nothing sounded good anymore. If Nik suggested something like red meat I wanted to gag. And some of my daily indulgences were starting to turn me off. Sour cream and onion chips? Blech. Spearmint gum? Blech. Trader Joe's black bean and corn enchiladas? Double blech. Instead I gravitated toward carbs. Salt and pepper chips, mac 'n cheese, and Doritos were all big winners. Pasta also became a daily staple. And as far as cravings go, I think I had my first big one about two weeks ago. Nik and I were on our way to the grocery store and all of a sudden I got a craving for some Easy Cheese and crackers. Easy Cheese? I mean, come on. Apparently my baby wants me to eat like a stoned college kid.

 

I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come. : / But in case you're wondering, no, I didn't pick up any Easy Cheese. But I did stock up on cheddar cheese, baked Cheetos and a classy cheese spread to go with my cracked black pepper Triscuits. Don't worry, I still eat my fruits and vegetables. I just don't enjoy them as much.

 

*Baby bumpage. Despite my best efforts with the aforementioned carbs and cheese cravings,  the number on the scale hasn't changed much. But I have a theory on this. When not pregnant my cravings usually come in the liquid variety. Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, a bold, delicious Zin - you get my drift. But since I can no longer enjoy my vino the caloric intake balances out with my new found indulgences. You win some, you lose some. But the doc says the baby is developing right on track so I'm sure I'll be bumping it in no time.

 

*Attitude. I've been trying my best to keep mine in check and I think I did pretty good up until the 8 week mark. But then my patience began to wear thin and everyone began to annoy the shit out of me. But to be fair, I don't really know if I can blame it on the hormones. I work full time and also decided to produce and perform in a show that my lovely theatre company is putting on next week. So between work and rehearsals I've been clocking in 17 hour days which can be tiring. And I hear that whole growing a human business can be draining as well. All the while I had been hiding my pregnancy from almost everyone. So they probably all thought I was just being a real pain in the ass which let's face it, I probably was. But I've been getting better at taking deep breaths and counting to 10 to try and keep me from punching people in the face. And if that doesn't work I'll count to 100. And if that still doesn't work I just take a look at this nugget's beautiful, little mug and it all goes away.

 

 

Baby Karpen - Coming April, 2014!