The Halftime Report

Two Saturdays ago was spent on the couch, registering online for baby items while watching college football. It made for a lazy yet productive afternoon. But it also inspired this post, especially with all the bowl games coming up. For those of you not familiar with my background, I come from a pretty big football family. My dad coached and my brothers played in high school and college. Two of my brothers also went on to coach high school football as well. Football has always been taken very seriously in my family. In fact, a good part of my life revolved around it. I think it was around the age six that I would beg my brothers to let me toss the ball around with them in the backyard of our Missouri home. Forget being the cheerleader. Oh, no. I wanted to play. They pretended to let me at least once. My oldest brother, Scott, even crafted a makeshift jersey and pads for me to wear and instead of cleats I sported a pair of flip flops. Of course they didn't really let me play, which in hindsight was probably for the best since I believe one of them ended up with a broken collar bone after a 'practice scrimmage'. Fast forward six years and every Friday night was spent watching my big brothers play quarterback for their high school football team. And every Saturday morning I woke up early to travel over two hours with my parents to watch their college games. All day Sunday the family television was reserved for NFL games. And Monday nights? You guessed it.

"Are you ready for some football?!"
Barf.

 

Unfortunately, my birthday happens to fall during football season (January, 5th). And even more unfortunate, my sixteenth birthday happened to fall on a Monday night. So you can guess how my sweet sixteen was spent. I could go on lamenting but I digress. All of this football overload kind of turned me off of the game. I still enjoy watching if there's a team on I'm rooting for and can sometimes even be heard yelling loudly at the TV (like during the Mizzou/Auburn title game) but I usually don't seek it out. That being said, coming from a football family has also led me to develop more of an athletic mindset about things. I can be competitive and fierce when it comes to pushing the limits and give all my focus on getting to the goal. And with that I give you, The Halftime Report.

I'm 23+ weeks along now so I'm a little over halfway there. For those of you not familiar with pregnancy in weeks, which I wasn't until I got knocked up, 40 weeks is the goal. Sometimes a little less, sometimes a little more, but 40 is about the average. Now obviously there are some key differences between football and pregnancy. First of all, football is a team sport. Okay, okay. Pregnancy can also be considered a team sport since I needed another player in order to play the game, so to speak. But other than the initial 'hand off' and some helpful blocking moves from my husband it's pretty much a one woman game. I've got my coach = the OB, my cheerleaders = my family,  and the fans = my supportive friends. Other than that I am the receiver, the carrier and the rest of the offensive line.

Secondly, football has 4 quarters while pregnancy only has three trimesters. Only? Hah! Try 9+ months of three, very long and very tiring trimesters. And there is no break at halftime. Instead you may take a moment to be thankful that you've reached the halfway point before you pop a prenatal vitamin, slather on some stretch mark cream and go about your merry way.

Now, there are some similarities. I've got my good plays and some pretty rough ones. Sometimes I'll try to take the option only to get creamed in the end. Here are some updates on how I've been faring.

Skin: The pregnancy glow must have skipped right past me. Personally, I think it's a myth. Instead I get to deal with dry skin and breakouts, neither of which is fun. Additionally, I have blood vessels popping up over the place. Tiny red dots all over my arms, shoulders, palms and even my chest.

 

So far the stretch marks have been keeping at bay but talk to me after the holidays and we'll see where I'm at.

Sleep: It's pretty much become a thing of the past.

There will be evenings that I can easily fall asleep on the couch at 10pm. It's the middle of the night I have problems with. I'll wake up around 3 or 4 am and toss and turn until morning. I'm trying my best to sleep on my left side for optimum blood flow to the baby but find side sleeping incredibly uncomfortable lately. I've got all this extra belly weighing me down. So I finally broke down and purchased this sucker.

My new bed companion!

 

It may take up half of the bed but at least it's comfortable to spoon with. And it helps to keep me on my side. But still, I find sleeping in near impossible. That used to be the whole point of weekends, right? Perhaps it's because I'm no longer fueled by wine from the night before to help keep me snoozing but I seem to be waking up earlier and earlier. My body is probably just trying to get me ready for motherhood and getting up in time for those early Saturday morning cartoons.

 

Aches and Pains: Life is starting to get a little more uncomfortable. Headaches are becoming more common when they used to only visit me after a night of a little too much fun. And they are so much more intense now instead of just a dull ache.

 

And my body is doing its best to adjust to my growing belly but it ain't always easy. For starters, I need a new tailbone. I sit a lot during the day with my job and each time I stand up it hurts like a mofo. You see, the tailbone sits right behind the uterus and as Baby Karpen gets bigger her bones press against my bones. And if you have previously injured your tailbone before (ahem, there may have been an incident involving roller skates and James Blunt a few years back) you are more prone to feel the discomforts of this.

 

Another fun thing I've been enjoying? Round ligament pain. There are several thick ligaments that surround and support a woman's uterus and when that uterus is growing to the size of watermelon proportions those ligaments have to stretch. The result is sharp, jabbing pain all over your lower belly. At least I also get baby girl's cute little kicks to help keep me distracted from it.

 

Leg cramps are also a new occurrence in my life. Just last night I was rudely woken by a god awful charley horse in my right calf. After some research I found that leg cramps are supposedly another common complaint of pregnancy. And like most other discomforts, one you really can't do jack about.

 

Body issues: Even with all the discomforts there are still times that I forget that I'm pregnant. But then I'll pass a mirror and be like "What the hell is that?!" My bump is definitely getting bigger. In fact, I keep forgetting that it's there until I look down. I was drying my hair the other day and when I went to put the blow dryer away I burned my belly with it. In my defense, I wasn't expecting it to be in the way. I'm going to need to learn to be careful with this thing. But I'm trying to do my best to embrace the bump and the additional weight that comes with it. The last time I stepped on the scale the number was already the highest I have ever seen it. The scale and I are now on a break. I left it to gather dust in the corner of the bathroom floor.

 

The social scene: 'Tis the season for gift exchanges, ugly sweaters and any other holiday party you can imagine. And holy crap! Lots of moms and dads were getting busy in the month of March because so many of you are December babies. I've lost count of all the birthday party invites I've received. Thankfully, my friends don't seem to think I'm just some lame pregnant chick and are still inviting me to soirees. But then again, I get to sip on club soda while the rest of you get to sip on the sweet nectar of the gods.

 

 

 

 

I really miss my wine. Especially in social situations. Small talk is awkward enough but you realize how much of a wallflower you really are when you have to do it sober. And I can only deal with drunk people so many days of the week. Unless I'm drunk with them of course. But there are some fun observations to be made. Speaking of, it's interesting how men are congratulated on the news of a pregnancy. When people talk to me it's all "Congratulations! You must be so excited!" When they talk to Nik it's "Congratulations! Job well done! Good going!" Um, job well done? Good going?? The man had an orgasm, people. I'm pretty sure I'm the one left with most of the heavy lifting for now. Well, he does have to put up with my hormonal ass. But at least he gets do it with alcohol.

 

This is probably true.

 

 

Another difficulty is finding appropriate party attire. I'll go through my closet a dozen times, finally find something cute to wear, only to discover that it no longer fits right when I need it to. I'm learning to put my focus on accessories these days instead.

 

So what's my defensive strategy in all this? Well, my options are pretty limited. I can only take Tylenol for the headaches. Tylenol is a pretty wussy drug though so when my temples are throbbing I usually just try to tough it out. This involves the couch, a pillow and praying for sweet mercy. And I've been trying to be good about what I put into my body. I limit my caffeine to about 50mg a day. For the pregnancy police out there the max I can have is 200mg of caffeine so I'm way within my limits. I've also been making myself drink a butt load of water everyday. And I've been trying to watch what I eat for the most part. But I mean, it is the holiday season. So if those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups happen to find their way to me, so be it. Even if that sometimes means I have to make a pit stop at the local Target to pick some up.

 

As far as the other aches and pains go I've been doing my best to keep up with my work outs and fight my battles against mother nature and those aforementioned peanut butter cups. I try to exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week which is what I did pre-pregnancy as well. I just don't go as hard. And I still spin which I'm sure doesn't help with the tailbone situation but whatever. I love it and it's my one workout a week that I allow myself to really get into. Besides, one of my favorite spinning instructors is Marla Sokoloff. You may remember her as Gia from Full House. She's also been in some other stuff since then but to me she will always be the bad ass, cigarette smoking, frenemy of Stephanie Tanner.

 

 

 

Gia!

But she's also a really great spin instructor and keeps me motivated to get my pregnant butt out of bed on Sunday mornings. She also has a daughter and I'm hoping to look as great as she does post pregnancy. I've also been keeping up with prenatal yoga and the gym as well. Funny, I've ready a couple of pregnancy books so far and the author of one was very anti exercise. To each their own though. I think it's helpful with all the stretching my body is doing and like to look at it as if I'm training for a marathon. Child birth is no joke and I'm going to need every ounce of strength and stamina to get me through it. Same can be said about motherhood too, I'm sure.

 

 

And with that I'll conclude the halftime report. I'm sure this second half will be just, if not more, interesting. And to end in the spirit of the game, I leave you with this fun little visual I found online.

Happy Bowl Games to all!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sugar and Spice . . .

. . . And everything nice.

The results are in - it's a GIRL!!!
 
 

21+ weeks

At least that's what the good doctors are telling us. We had our anatomy scan on November 22nd. It was definitely one of the coolest ultrasounds to date. They were able to zoom in on all parts of our developing little human including chambers of the heart and gallbladder. The little nugget was wiggling around quite a bit so they had some difficulty getting all necessary angles. And those little legs were clamped together pretty tightly (Atta girl!) but she finally shifted and both the technician and the doctor were able to confirm that she was indeed a girl.

I was surprised but thrilled. All throughout the ultrasound I kept waiting for them to announce that it was a boy. I thought I even saw balls at one point. Must of just been some other body part flailing about. But talk about a game changer. Everything seems a little bit more real now. Especially since we no longer have to call her 'it'. Instead words like "she", "her" and "daughter" are being used. And now that we know her gender I feel like there's more of a personality down there. For instance, she loves sugar. That's usually when she's at her most active and I can feel her moving about. Yes, I can FEEL her now! It's the coolest thing. I'm pretty sure I was able to first feel her around 18 weeks. It was like little butterfly wings fluttering around in my lower belly. And now at 22 weeks it's getting stronger and changing positions. She was having a field day using my bladder as a trampoline on my way to work the other morning. The little stinker.

The doctor told me it could be anywhere from 24-28 weeks along before the outside world would be able to feel her but apparently we have an overachiever on our hands. On Thanksgiving Nik got to feel her for the first time himself. He said it felt like a little heartbeat. She's somewhat shied away from him since though. She likes to play coy.

As far as names go, we haven't really talked about it yet. I have a name in mind that I love but nothing has been decided. And if we do decide, I'm not so sure I want to share it with the world. Sorry, but there are some judgmental people out there. I have a close friend of mine whose mother actually told her son that it wasn't too late to change her grandson's name shortly after he was born. I'm pretty sure my friends and family know well enough not to even try that shit with me. But still.

So now that we know it's a girl, I'm trying not to freak out. I'm a planner and there is so much left to do. Figure out maternity leave, look into daycare, decide on a name, start designing the nursery, etcetera. Speaking of the nursery, we are making progress on the new apartment and I spent last weekend clearing out the baby's room. Just to give you a visual, here's what I was dealing with.

Fun, huh?

But after an entire afternoon I was finally able to see the floor again. And now I can start on the fun hobby of decorating the nursery.

One thing I'm not looking forward to? The baby registry. Actually, dreading might be a more accurate description. How can such a little person need so much crap?! One of my best friends is also pregnant with a baby girl right now. She's due two months before me and thank god I have her to go through this with. Pregnancy is like a little club that no one can relate to unless you've been through it yourself. The good, the bad and the downright ugly.

She's already forwarded me a list of must have baby items and I've been using her registry as my guide. Because right now, our child has nothing. Well, that's not exactly true. I found a random bottle of baby powder when organizing the guest bathroom. So there's that. And I received a complimentary baby bottle when I purchased some maternity clothes last month. Oh, and our dear friends gave us an L.A. Galaxy onesie. They're huge soccer fans. Other than that, we got nothing. Although I did do some online shopping on Black Friday and managed to score some pretty cute outfits for 50% off. As much as we want to support our LA soccer team, our baby needs something else to get her swagger on in.

Speaking of getting her swagger on, we got some pretty cool 3D ultrasound pics during the anatomy scan. Here's the thing though. As much as I think our daughter is the most beautiful thing ever I'm not sure how I feel about ultrasound pictures. Especially the 3D ones. First of all, I don't really want everyone knowing what the inside of my uterus looks like. I'm willing to share some of the fun details of my life on here but when it comes to the inside of my body? Meh, not so much. Also, the 3D pictures look weird. And that's not how she really looks. In fact, during the ultrasound everything Nik and I saw was in black and white. But when they went to print out a picture for us they changed it to the 3D setting which shaded everything in. Or most of everything at least. I think that's why you sometimes get those gnarly alien looking pictures. But, if you REALLY want to see a picture I suppose I can post just one. FYI, the doctor was sure to tell us that the umbilical cord is not wrapped around her neck, it just looks that way. It's in front of her instead. 

 Anyway, here is our baby girl, totally flipping the camera off. ; )



Growing Pains

So, good news guys. My bra size went up! But then again,so has my waist line. I'm still trying to come to terms with that. I know, I know. That's good news too. And for a good reason. A healthy baby bump means a healthy baby. But still, it's a weird thing to see yourself getting bigger in the mirror on a daily basis and not being able to do anything about it. Especially when you live in Los Angeles, the land of living, breathing, perfect Barbie dolls. And apparently the Victoria's Secret fashion show was taped last week which means all of these lovely images have been splashed across my computer screen every time I go online:

 

 

Bitches.

 

I'm kidding. I'm sure they're very lovely ladies who work hard for their ridiculous bodies. And I can't hate on Lily Aldridge too much since she's a mother herself. But still, it's almost winter. Put some clothes on so I don't have to look at that shit.

 

All kidding aside, my bump is still pretty small comparatively speaking. Or so I'm told.

19 + weeks

When I tell people how far along I am (5 months this Friday!) they're pretty shocked. Here are some of the fun responses I get:

 

"Oh my God! You're so tiny!" - Thanks?

"5 months?! You don't even look pregnant!" - Again, thanks?

"Are you sure there's a baby in there?!" - Um, thanks for making me worry about my child now.

"Are you sure you're pregnant?" - As if I would ever give up alcohol voluntarily.

 

At least I can tell I'm getting bigger. Usually when I gain weight it starts in my thighs. So far everything appears to be in my mid section and up top. According to my mother she didn't start showing until she was 4 or 5 months along with my two older sisters so I'm not concerned. Also, I have big hips which apparently only works to my advantage when pregnant. There's plenty of room in there for my mango sized baby to hide.

 

Speaking of, I am officially the proud owner of maternity jeans! I can still squeeze into my regular jeans but why be uncomfortable when you can live in the luxury of elastic waist bands? I had my first maternity clothes shopping experience over the weekend. The mall close to me has a store called Destination Maternity. You should definitely check them out if you're like me and don't want to give up your sense of fashion along with your caffeine, wine and soft cheeses during pregnancy. I have to admit, I was a bit overwhelmed first walking into a maternity store. I mean, what sizes should I be looking for?  What am I going to need to get me to April and what can I do without? Why does everything look so ugly on the hangers? I was soon approached by a very friendly staff member and with her help I left the store excited about wearing clothes again. I did splurge on one pair of extremely comfortable jeans that I'm actually rocking right now. I could live in the jeans, they are that comfortable. In fact, I'm thinking about starting a petition making maternity wear acceptable attire permanently. Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

 

Besides my waist line, there's another big change in my life. We moved! Yes, I know. Work a full time job, act and produce in a successful Hollywood show and then move. The past several months have been pretty crazy. We actually were not expecting to move so quickly. Nik and I had been talking about getting a bigger place with the little one on the way and started looking online to see what was out there. The average cost of a house in Los Angeles is about $400,000 so renting is our best option for now until we have a sizeable down payment saved up. We found a fairly inexpensive three bedroom condo for rent online, toured it and figured what the hell. The show I was in closed on November 3rd and the following weekend we moved. Well, I say "we" lightly. There are many dos and don'ts in the world of pregnancy. Do eat lots of fruits and vegetables, don't lift heavy objects. Do take a prenatal vitamin, don't expose yourself to paint fumes. So I helped pack, Nik lifted the heavy boxes. I picked out paint colors, Nik painted. Sure, in a way it's kind of cool. Finally! A freaking perk to this pregnancy business. Then again, I don't like having to ask people to do things for me. Thanks to Mom and Dad Gerling I consider myself a pretty independent person. Something I hope to pass on to this little nugget. So I look at a heavy box, think I can totally move it. Then think damnit, I better not. Better wait for Nik to do it for me. It's really frustrating. For Nik too I'm sure. It's "Honey, can you do this? Honey, can you do that?" Except I tend to forget the word honey and question part of the sentence. But he's been really helpful when I'm sure all he'd rather do is crack open a cold one. Which he still does, usually after I go to bed.

 

But moving sucks. Moving while pregnant REALLY sucks. We did hire movers though this time around since I wasn't going to be of much help. But there's still a lot of stress involved and no wine to help me relax. Especially when issues keep popping up like lack of storage space and how to fit the washer/dryer in the dedicated space that is too small for a washer/dryer. Or the dishwasher that is not securely installed. And the bugs. Oh, the bugs. We've fumigated, I carry Raid around with me like it's my new best friend and I thoroughly go through the place on high bug alert each day to kill as many as I can find. But somehow they keep coming. I don't know if it's a sealing issue with the doors and windows or if they're trickling in from another unit but I'm taking personal offense to it now. So much so I had a little breakdown about it the other day. I'm pregnant. It happens.

I know it could be worse. But still, disappointing. It'll get there eventually. At least that's what I try to tell my hormones. And when it does I may even post some pictures.

 

One last thing, we have a BIG doctor's appointment coming up on Friday! And with any luck we'll be able to tell what color to paint the nursery. I'm a little anxious about the whole thing. I get anxious before every doctor's appointment anyway but especially this one. I don't know if I'm ready to know yet. These past several months have just flown by. Right now the baby's room is a big pile of boxes and miscellaneous crap that still needs to be unpacked. Knowing that I will have to set it up for a tiny little boy or girl is just mind boggling. I know it sounds cliché but I don't really have a preference on the gender just as long as it's healthy and happy. And I no longer have a feeling on what it will be. When I first found out I was pregnant I thought for sure it would be a boy. Then sometimes I think maybe it's a girl. Now I'm just confused and tired of guessing. What do you think??

 

 

The Second Leg

And just like that, I'm on to the second trimester . . .

Which has been pretty awesome so far. Not much in the way of symptoms. No more queasiness, no more super sensitive nose, no more wanting to punch people in the throat. Well, not much of that last one anyway. But also a little worrisome. Since most of my symptoms have disappeared, I'm not really showing and I can't feel the baby move yet I'm always afraid that something's wrong. Fear has definitely been a common theme throughout but I plan to dedicate an entire post on that subject later.

So here's me at 12 weeks . . . not much change.

Go Cards!

 

 

 

 

And here I am at 16 weeks, looking a little rounder.

Bump or lunch?

 

 

 

I had my 16 week doctor's appointment last week and everything went well. Although I will never understand why they take your blood pressure directly after having you step on the scale. Looks like I gained a couple pounds since my last appointment. I blamed it on my morning bagel. But then I got to hear the baby's heart beat. A strong 150 beats per minute. Pretty much the most amazing sound EVER.

 

But since I still have three performances left of the show I'm in (which you can read about here) I've been trying not to indulge all of my cravings. Which is extra difficult to do around Halloween when chocolate and candy is plentiful and always within my hand's reach.

 

But I did sign up for a spinning/prenatal yoga series. With my job and the show my workout regimen has suffered so I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I took a spin class last Friday for the first time in two months. The doc told me to keep my heart rate below 150 when exercising which is slightly annoying. I like to work out hard and pacing myself is no fun. But neither is abstaining from alcohol, so yeah. Everything I have read recommends indoor cycling as a great workout for pregnant mommas. Whoever said that must have forgotten about a little thing called your bladder. During a spin class you do these things called jumps where you're in your saddle (aka seat) for an 8 count, stand for an 8 count, sit for an 8 count, and so on. So each time you stand your baby (now apparently the size of an avocado) gets pressed against your bladder. Awesome sauce. I love my spin instructor though. He's a great motivator. I wonder if he hires out as a birth coach. I may need someone telling me how awesome and strong I am and to really push myself hard.

 

 

I also took my first prenatal yoga class last week as well. Now, I've done some yoga in the past year. Regular yoga, hot yoga, yoga with weights. Prenatal yoga is essentially a bunch of pregnant women rolling around on the floor. I didn't even break a sweat. I also felt like a poser. All the other women in the room had big, beautiful, round baby bumps. They probably thought I was lying when I told them I was 4 months along. But whatever. Besides, I made a deal with my kid a while back. If the little nugget could stay little until my show was over then we'll hit up In 'n Out when it's over. Chocolate milk shake and everything - my treat.

 

 

Get in my belly!

 

 I really shouldn't knock prenatal yoga though. I'm sure the bigger I get the more difficult it will become. And I definitely had some sore hamstrings the following day from all those lovely crescent poses which is great news for my legs. I'm hoping to stay pregnant in my belly and not in my thighs.  Also, I've already started feeling the pangs of my ribcage starting to expand which is no fun at all. I was wondering how I was going to fit a (please lord, no more than) 7 pound baby in my short torso as it is. Now I know. The yoga should help ease all the stretching ligaments and shit. And the moving around of organs. Here's a visual of a non-pregnant woman vs. a pregnant woman.

 

 

What the hell?! Everything gets shifted and flattened out. That doesn't look comfortable at all.

 

But I can't complain too much. So far it's been a pretty easy pregnancy and it's been going by pretty fast. I'm 40% done! With work and the show that I've been producing/acting in I've had a lot of distractions. Oh, and we're moving too. I'll let you know how that goes. And in three weeks Nik and I get to find out if we're having a son or daughter. Son or daughter. Woah!

Mind = Blown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 







 

It's Showtime!

As some of you may know, I have a little theatre company that I've been involved with for the past five years. And for the past 7 weeks I've been working to produce our next show that happens to be opening this Friday, October 18th.

I'll take this moment now to do a little plugging as any good producer would do. It's a hilarious farce, full of mistaken identity and ridiculous situations that will have the audience laughing out loud in their seats. Get your tickets here!

 

Oh, and did I mention that I'm also performing in it? Well, I am. So for the past 7 weeks my schedule has looked a little like this:

6:30am - Alarm goes off
8:30am - Arrive to work after spending an hour and a half in traffic. LA really sucks sometimes
7:20pm - Finish work day and head to rehearsal
10:40pm - 11pm - Finish rehearsal and head home
11:30pm - 12am - Home

In my pre-pregger days this schedule wouldn't have been a problem. I probably would have even stayed up much too late unwinding with a glass of wine or two before doing it all again. But during pregnancy, it's hell. Especially without the wine to calm me the f*** down.

Pregnancy is exhausting business people. And when everything annoys the shit out of you anyway and your beloved wine is off limits, things can get a little turbulent. Not that I'm complaining - just trying to get through it. Nik's been doing his best to get through it as well, poor guy. I will seriously come home after a long day and walk straight to the bedroom without even a word hello. And on evenings when there is no rehearsal he's lucky if I'm able to keep my eyes open past 10pm. The other week I made him watch 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' with me. I fell asleep about half way through and he didn't even turn it off. Proof of how awesome he's been. Of course now he's going to kill me because I just let it slip that he watched "What To Expect When You're Expecting' while his pregnant wife lay snoozing on the couch. But seriously, he's been great. Knowing when to cower in the man cave and let me have my space. And knowing when I need a hug even after making him cower in the man cave.




Poor Nik

Anyway, so yeah. I'm in a play. Nik asked if I was sure I wanted to do it with everything else going on. I figured it could very well be the last time I get to act for a long time so hell yeah, I wanted to do it. However, now that opening night is almost here I am beginning to rethink my decision. Oh, not because of the stress or exhaustion or any of that. But because on opening night I'll be exactly 15 weeks along. And the show opens with me wearing something resembling this . . .

At least I'm fully covered. In the second act I get to strip down on stage and wear something like this . . .

Good thing my boobs look fabulous now. Pregnancy 'perk'! (Pun intended) The mid section? Meh, not so much. I know, I know. Here I was all gloating in your face with my previous blog about those Doritos and cheddar cheese binges. Well, I think I'm beginning to see the effects now. In fact, I'm not sure if I'm seeing the first signs of a bump or if that's just my lunch. Sexy, huh?

Anyway, the show runs for three weeks so I'll be pushing 18 weeks on closing night. So even if live theatre isn't your thing you should still come and play 'See If  You Can Spot The Baby Bump'. Besides, you knows when you'll get the chance to see me perform next. Except for in April of course when I take on the role of Mother. Which let's face it, will probably be funnier than the character I'm playing now.

 

 

P.S. If you are one of my many friends or relatives that live too far away to see my bump on stage but would still like to support my theatre company, you are welcome to make a donation here. All proceeds go toward helping making the show the biggest success it can be!

Keeping It Under Wraps

In a way, I feel kind of bad. For two months I had to lie to some of my closest friends. Well, not lie exactly. Just omit the truth. A BIG truth. I actually found out pretty early on in my pregnancy that I was expecting. Sometimes I call it a blessing, in the sense that I didn't enjoy too many glasses (okay, okay - bottles) of wine and unknowingly endanger my child. And sometimes, a curse. There is so much that can go wrong between a positive pregnancy test and the first doctor's appointment. Horrible, awful things that no expectant mother or father should have to go through. More on that later.

 

So that was my initial reason for wanting to keep the news secret. If I had it my way, Nik and I would have been the only two people who knew the truth for the first 8 weeks. Realistically, there's no way that could happen. Not because I have issues keeping my mouth shut. But because it's pretty well known that my mouth is usually preoccupied enjoying tasty, adult beverages which unfortunately is one of the many no-nos when expecting.  

 

The following weekend after learning I was pregnant I had plans to meet my brother and his fiancé in Vegas. Have you ever done Vegas sober? Or how about 5 weeks pregnant? Well, I wouldn't recommend either. I met them at the Las Vegas airport Thursday afternoon. It was their first time visiting Sin City and they were so excited. I didn't want to disappoint. At this point they were unaware that anything was out of the ordinary. Nik was going to drive up the next day and meet us there so I was going to try my best and wait for him before spilling the beans. There was no way I could pretend to drink my way through an entire weekend in Vegas, especially around my family. Let's just say we like to have a good time. But I did get through almost 24 hours which I am pretty proud of. My brother would order me a glass of wine that I would happen to take into the restroom with me and come out with most of it gone. He ordered me a strawberry daiquiri while poolside the following afternoon. I exchanged it for a virgin while they thought I was making a phone call. Wasting perfectly good alcohol felt like committing sacrilege . But I do plan to atone for those sins come April.

 

A motherhood necessity

 

Eventually we were able to share the good news and they were ecstatic to learn that there would be an additional guest at their wedding in June. And I toughed it out the best I could the rest of the weekend, staying out until 2am or later as I sipped on my club soda with lime. Wild, I know.

The following weekend, I had a bachelorette party to attend. In FREAKING WINE COUNTRY!! I mean come on, that's like putting crack in front of a crack head. So the evening before we left town I told my bestie, Megan, my big secret. She was the bride's maid of honor and became my partner in crime for the weekend. I would eat for two while she would drink for two. We 'shared' our tastings at each winery we stopped at and our wine glasses were strategically placed next to each other during dinner. That way she could easily pick up mine to drink from as well as hers. But I think we were able to successfully get through the weekend without anyone being the wiser.

And more recently, Nik and I attended our friends' wedding in Jersey City. We spent much of our time there wandering about the streets of New York which was pretty exhausting for a 10 week pregnant chick. But well worth it. Nik became an expert at ordering non alcoholic drinks to look like alcoholic drinks. And Nik really became an expert at drinking any wine or champagne that came my way. He's obviously been having way more fun than me the past 3 months.

But honestly, as exhausting as it is growing a human it's also pretty exhausting keeping a secret about said growing human. Especially with all those damned trips lined up. There were times when Nik would voice his frustrations about how difficult it was for him not being able to tell anyone. That's usually when I would voice my frustrations about how difficult it was for me not being able to punch him in the throat. Kidding! But I get it.

So yeah, I had to forego my fun from Vegas, wine country and those plentiful rooftop bars that New York has to offer. I'm sure it will be well worth it in April. But that doesn't mean I can't longingly look at that glass of wine in your hand and hate you just a little bit for drinking it. And now that the secret's out you at least know why I'm looking at that glass of wine like I want to do dirty things to it.

 

We've Gone and Done It Now

Soooo, this happened . . .

And this . . .

And, this.

 

 

I won't embarrass myself by telling you the actual number of pregnancy tests I took (I lost count anyway) but each time my expression probably resembled something like this.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I was super excited. But at first, I was speechless. Especially since I've spent the majority of my adulthood hoping I'd never even have to buy a pregnancy test. There was a whole gamut of emotions coursing through me. "Holy crap, I'm pregnant! Holy crap, there's a life growing inside me. Holy crap, what about that wine I enjoyed over the weekend?!" But after the initial shock wore off, there were lots of tears of joy and excitement. And have been ever since.

 

I'm not really sure how this blog is going to take shape or if I'll even be able to keep it up. But I thought it might be nice to have some sort of outlet for all this crazy pregnant business. Especially since I only have a couple of friends in Los Angeles that have gone through it before. But I figured this blog could also be entertaining for those of you who actually want to hear all the nitty, gritty pregger details. And for those of you who could care less, just ignore.

 

And on that note, here's a rundown of the first trimester to get you up to speed.

 

*Nose. Apparently my sense of smell is now approaching levels of superhuman strength. And to put this bluntly, you people stink. Seriously. Your food, your deodorant, your perfume or cologne. You're all so smelly. In fact, this entire world stinks. Cigarette smoke, car exhaust, gasoline, candles. Enough already.

 

*Morning Sickness. Okay, I need to preface this by saying that I have gotten off pretty easy in the morning sickness department. In fact, I don't even call it that. Queasy is my term. I never went running to the porcelain gods or felt so nauseous I couldn't function. But every once in a while I would start to feel a little queasy. Like I was in the back seat of a car that was making its way through a long, windy road. It could be something I ate or something I smelled with my superhuman nose but whatever it was my stomach didn't like it. So whenever this happened I found that carbs usually helped.

 

* Appetite. Nothing sounded good anymore. If Nik suggested something like red meat I wanted to gag. And some of my daily indulgences were starting to turn me off. Sour cream and onion chips? Blech. Spearmint gum? Blech. Trader Joe's black bean and corn enchiladas? Double blech. Instead I gravitated toward carbs. Salt and pepper chips, mac 'n cheese, and Doritos were all big winners. Pasta also became a daily staple. And as far as cravings go, I think I had my first big one about two weeks ago. Nik and I were on our way to the grocery store and all of a sudden I got a craving for some Easy Cheese and crackers. Easy Cheese? I mean, come on. Apparently my baby wants me to eat like a stoned college kid.

 

I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come. : / But in case you're wondering, no, I didn't pick up any Easy Cheese. But I did stock up on cheddar cheese, baked Cheetos and a classy cheese spread to go with my cracked black pepper Triscuits. Don't worry, I still eat my fruits and vegetables. I just don't enjoy them as much.

 

*Baby bumpage. Despite my best efforts with the aforementioned carbs and cheese cravings,  the number on the scale hasn't changed much. But I have a theory on this. When not pregnant my cravings usually come in the liquid variety. Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, a bold, delicious Zin - you get my drift. But since I can no longer enjoy my vino the caloric intake balances out with my new found indulgences. You win some, you lose some. But the doc says the baby is developing right on track so I'm sure I'll be bumping it in no time.

 

*Attitude. I've been trying my best to keep mine in check and I think I did pretty good up until the 8 week mark. But then my patience began to wear thin and everyone began to annoy the shit out of me. But to be fair, I don't really know if I can blame it on the hormones. I work full time and also decided to produce and perform in a show that my lovely theatre company is putting on next week. So between work and rehearsals I've been clocking in 17 hour days which can be tiring. And I hear that whole growing a human business can be draining as well. All the while I had been hiding my pregnancy from almost everyone. So they probably all thought I was just being a real pain in the ass which let's face it, I probably was. But I've been getting better at taking deep breaths and counting to 10 to try and keep me from punching people in the face. And if that doesn't work I'll count to 100. And if that still doesn't work I just take a look at this nugget's beautiful, little mug and it all goes away.

 

 

Baby Karpen - Coming April, 2014!